I have a conflict in my heart. Which is to pray and to burn for God, and to not have a way to express that zeal, makes me feel very uncomfortable. My passion is to burn and to see man and woman turn to God whole heartedly and giving it all to see His Kingdom come forth, but what I face is no don't do this, don't be this fiery, this message doesn't fit in, people will be offended, no this level is too high, etc. My heart hurts because I feel like this passion just won't die in me. It is part of me. I ache for God, but I don't have a way to express it in the church. All I can do is to get back to my prayer closet with the time I have and seek Him, nothing else will satisfy this desire. I feel trapped so many times.
I am in a group of people, but I can't do the same as other people, but I have to be apart of the people. Even my leaders don't allow me to burn because every time I would have expressions, they would tell me it will scare people away. Sometimes I feel like I don't even have a place to be me. I know the different approach, but I also know the passion in my heart. Ah!! It aches to not be able to consume and burn with Levites, willingly give their lives and seek His face. This is basically my story for the past few years and going through many misunderstandings, but this may be God's dealings with me. I love Him with all my heart, but I am just so tired of normal Christianity.
But I will trust Him, the author and the finisher of my faith. It is in adverse situations my roots go deep. It is in difficulties my life is strengthen in Him to become unshakable by men, yet at the same time grow in compassion for them. I just set my eyes upon Jesus, and lift up my hands to bless Him. For doesn't matter if people understand or not, I need to love Him with everything and burn for Him the zeal that He burns for me. And I know He will fight for me, all the inheritance I longed for.
I am in a group of people, but I can't do the same as other people, but I have to be apart of the people. Even my leaders don't allow me to burn because every time I would have expressions, they would tell me it will scare people away. Sometimes I feel like I don't even have a place to be me. I know the different approach, but I also know the passion in my heart. Ah!! It aches to not be able to consume and burn with Levites, willingly give their lives and seek His face. This is basically my story for the past few years and going through many misunderstandings, but this may be God's dealings with me. I love Him with all my heart, but I am just so tired of normal Christianity.
But I will trust Him, the author and the finisher of my faith. It is in adverse situations my roots go deep. It is in difficulties my life is strengthen in Him to become unshakable by men, yet at the same time grow in compassion for them. I just set my eyes upon Jesus, and lift up my hands to bless Him. For doesn't matter if people understand or not, I need to love Him with everything and burn for Him the zeal that He burns for me. And I know He will fight for me, all the inheritance I longed for.
Comments
balance is one of the hardest thing that i've struggled with, particularly between relationships & ministry-related passions. in one sense we shouldn't care what others think and just full-out love God and provoke others to do so too! but in another sense, we should care =/ like the bible says to act in a way that leaves others with nothing bad to say
it's hard for me to know when and how to maintain that balance. i am still very immature and insecure in this process
i get confused, discouraged and even bitter often, but I just know that even if i do something "wrong" or offensive when i'm actually trying really hard to love God, he sees it. He counts it..he's not as analytical and "picky" as i am..or my leaders are. I just need to keep a tender and humble heart
jiayou alvan
but you should know this: i feel like you have improved so much..interacting with people. i am learning from you. you're struggling with this tension, but it's a struggle worth wrestling in. happy thanksgiving! and happy early birthday too =]
Often times, when I'm just trying to love God, people may view it in a totally different way. And I have to deal with the misunderstandings and the parts that I did not do 完全, being considerate enough.
Though ourselves/other people often feel that we fail from maintaining the right balance, God knows our struggles, He knows our intentions, and He knows that we really did try and we do love Him; and that's all it really matters in the end.
I often imagine God writing a book about me. I think of how He chapters my life and how He would write about the events that were hard for me. It's very encouraging when I think of how He actually looks at me because it's very different from how we/other people view ourselves.
Anyways, just like what I wrote in the letter, I think you have changed sooooo much and you are definitely a role model for many of us to learn from. I also see God's tenderness and compassion in your eyes. And we love you too! :D
否則他不會在聖經教導說：因我們或是癲狂，乃是向著神；或是謹守，乃是為著你們。（林後 5:13）你好好讀讀這段聖經前後文，你會很有幫助，而且知道這是很自然的事。
為著神，我們要一直保持火熱的心，為著人，我們要學習保守一點，等候那些還跟不上的，顧念他們，好引他們進入神的心。
媽媽看這樣的conflict 是一種彼此相愛的表現。是一件美事。並不是宗教化的限制。基督也曾為我們限制祂自己，我們也要學習為著他人限制自己。
媽媽愛你。
所以若全召會聚在一處的時候，眾人都說方言，有不通方言的，或是不信的人進來，豈不說你們癲狂了麼？
為著不信的人，或還跟不上的人，我們要顧念他們。這是保羅的心，也是父的心。這正如如果神向摩西顯明祂自己時，也需要遮蓋住他的臉，以免神過於聖潔的光會叫摩西會立刻倒斃在西乃山阿。
神就無法和他對話了。祂是自隱的神，我們成為神榮耀的祭司，把人帶到神面前，也要學習這樣遮蓋的工作。
媽媽